In Which I Give It Another Go
Over the weekend I was asked to take control for a little while. Unlike the first time we did this, I felt a lot more up to the task. Confident, even! A few things helped with that:
a new outfit: a two piece halter lingerie that actually fit me adequately-- I've had shit luck with tops, and while this one was a smidge too loose, it still felt great and I looked great in it. I felt sexy.
a scene plan: I've been sitting on several lipstick tubes that I impulse bought, and ended up not using for whatever reason. And I know the human body is an excellent canvas...
experience: I knew a few of my shortcomings and was better prepared. I know more of how we interact in this dynamic. It was easier for me to dial in and trust my gut.
introspection: okay, let's call it what it is: daydreaming. ;)
It also didn't hurt that we were out of town for a change of scenery and to distance ourselves from the daily stressors. All together, I was much more confident. I did not stutter and there was no hesitation.
And we had a great time, with aftercare spent in blissful afterglow.
An observation, noted post-scene, was that I had "a voice" when I slipped into the Dom/me role. It's the one I use when my mind is made up, I have a plan, and you better yield so I may execute it. It's the voice I have in a vanilla setting-- the control and peace of mind of my own plan and (most of) my own variables, expecting things to fall within my parameters.
...can you see why I figured I was a Switch for so long?
This could be a way to indulge in the bossy side of me, and perhaps I could also put my tendency to carry the mental load into something more... fun. And if I love not having to need to decide anything, I can offer that to my partners-- I'm usually tapped when we need to decide what to have for dinner.